I've terminated a number of those scenes and told them that if they can't allow me to be in charge they can just forget it.
That's what topping from the bottom is: not just refusing to give up control, but actively attempting to tell the top what he or she is supposed to do. I imagine there could be situations where this sort of thing happens in a Taken In Hand relationship too.
However, so very often the accusation of topping from the bottom just means the dominant doesn't feel like hearing or heeding the bottom's legitimate concern. So he (or she) dismisses it as "topping from the bottom," at the same time placing a guilt trip on the bottom or sub for committing this supposedly huge breach of protocol.
This attitude has no place in a casual scene and even less place in a long term loving relationship. If both parties' eyes, ears and hearts are not open to the other, if one takes the position that because he is the dominant, his sub's wishes do not mean a thing, the relationship is headed in one of two directions: dissolution or abuse.
Telling a woman that she's expected to obey and not question from the get go is as foolish and presumptuous as being one of those guys who sends women an instant message that says, "On your knees, bitch!"
There's one word for this kind of "dominant" man: WANNABEE.
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Jun 19 - 17:44 | reply to this comment
balancing yr comments
"There's one word for this kind of "dominant" man: WANNABEE."
that's as bad sometimes as a guy accusing a girl of "topping from the bottom" - they are both put downs. 2 wrongs don't make a right